Feelin' Crabby.

I am a tender crab.  As i get close to my moontime, I become all kinds of sensitive.  My skin, my head, eyes, emotions, joints, mind.  On top of that, I have committed to being conscious and aware of my moontime and taking care of it in a new way.  I am getting to learn a lot from this.  And this all feels very vulnerable to me.  I tend to want to protect myself during this time and I notice myself thinking, feeling, and acting defensive.

So all this defensiveness, I build it up around me.  I hide in it.  I feel angry, demanding, scared, tense, and worried inside of it.  And I think that I put it there to protect myself from something "out there."  From someone getting mad at me, or disappointed with me.  From projections or judgements about what I am experiencing or how I am taking care of myself.

Really, the truth is that, it's not about anybody else, it's all about me!  Haha.  Isn't that great?  We always think we want all the attention.  Well, really, we have it.  Really, it's my own self-doubt, judgement, lack of faith in myself, fear of loss, and feeling of undeservedness that's creating that defensiveness.  I am the one I am trying to defend myself against.  I am the source of that fear and tension cased inside my defensive shell.

So, it can be that way.  I've done this one for a while, I'm pretty familiar with it.  It is also another way.  And this is the way that I am practicing...
I am:
The source of my love and acceptance.
The source of my nurturing.
The source of my compassion and understanding.
The source of my health and balance.
The source of my joy and laughter!

And so it is!!